I’m going to run. No matter what, I’m going to run. I do it all the time (less so lately due to a really annoying injury) but I still run, frequently. Usually it’s well more than 5k. I post about it (well, my phone does) on Facebook and Twitter, and it is commented on regularly. It’s probably the most common thing I do post on Facebook, so I’m not surprised. Given that I do run, that I’m going to run, I decided that maybe I will do some good while I’m doing something I’m going to do anyway – I’m going to participate in this years’ CIBC Run for the Cure in Vancouver. It takes place 2 weeks and 1 day from this posting. In deciding that, I’ve gathered a few committed folks from my company, FirstOnSite Restoration, in our lower mainland offices – we have a team of 6 and are looking to raise $5,000. I’m going to put it right out there that you should donate somehow. Here’s my criteria:
- If you are walking, running or volunteering, thanks. Go and do your deed. Raise funds. Plant flowers. Be karmically happy.
- If you know someone who is walking or running, sponsor them, especially if they have boobs of their own.
- If no one closer to you than me has asked you to donate, consider yourself formally asked. Donate to my run. I’m raising money. You can do so quickly and easily at my donations page.
Given that I’m the captain, I’ve committed to raise $1,500. I had a three-week window to raise it, and as of Friday I was at $820 – over half way, and I’m proud of that. I know that I can raise the $1,500, but I thought I’d put out a direct appeal to my friends on Facebook. The problem is that every year, everyone gets tapped for this. There are lots of people running. I thought I’d try a novel approach, so I posted this:
THIS IS TO ALL THE MALE FRIENDS I HAVE ON FACEBOOK.
I have a confession. I like boobs. I like boobs a lot. I’ve a pretty reasonable guess that you probably like boobs too. I like them so much that I’m going to try to do something to SAVE the boobs. They are under attack. We have an obligation as boob-loving men to save them.
I’m trying to do my part. I’m mounting an offensive. I’m joining thousands of other men who love boobs to participate in the Run for the Cure on September 30. If you are running or volunteering, great! Thank you! If you have donated to someone who is also running for the boobs, especially someone who has boobs of their own, thank you.
But if you haven’t been asked yet, and want to do something to save the boobs (and really, you should want to save the boobs, or face certain derision amongst your peers), then click the link and donate to my run. You will have the admiration of millions of men around the world for doing something pro-active to save the boobs.
C’mon. I truly only have the breast of intentions.
Click below to save the boobs. (And please, if you like this post, don’t just like it. Share it. Get people involved. Get people to donate.)
Response? CRICKETS. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I have over 500 friends on Facebook, and I got 2 donations for it. I’ve decided to try a different tack, so here is what I posted last night:
“THIS IS TO ALL THE FEMALE FRIENDS I HAVE ON FACEBOOK. PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ THROUGH TO THE END.
On September 8, 2012, very publicly, I addressed all of my male friends on Facebook and confessed to them that I like boobs. I like boobs a lot. I came right out with the assumption that I was making a pretty reasonable guess that they probably like boobs too. I pointed out that I’m so enamoured with them that I’m going to try and do something to SAVE the boobs, given that they are, in fact, under attack. I figured that we have an obligation as boob-loving men to save them, and I would take up the mantle for those that can’t, or haven’t the time, and do so.
I figured that since I’ve got 523 friends on Facebook, I could make a conservative guess that 250 of them were men. Therefore, my appeal would hit directly to 250 guys. 250 boob-worshiping, ta-ta gazing men. It would especially hit a small subset of men who first greet the boobs, then the lady (and ladies, you know who they are). I figured if I only got the attention of those men that didn’t know women had eyes, let alone what colour they may be, then I could reach my goal. If 250 men each reached into their wallets for $5 to save the boobs, something each of them has probably done at least once in their lives to *see* boobs at a club, then I would pretty much have my goal set right there.
Here’s what I’m going to tell you, ladies: IT DIDN’T WORK. As near as I can tell, I received 2 donations that are directly attributable to Facebook. That is 0.8%. That is, frankly, shameful fellows.
Maybe the post was too long. I probably should have remembered that I was addressing guys, and that I should have pictures, but then I would have had to have pictures of boobs, and Facebook would have removed my post. Do you see my catch-22? So really, what I was looking for was not possible. Something that both illustrated the job I’m trying to do, and that illustrated that I was seeking donations. Perhaps I used too many big words, or didn’t talk about boobs quite enough. I’m not sure.All I know is that I’m trying to do my part. I’m mounting an offensive. I’m joining thousands of other men (who love boobs) and women (who want to save the boobs) to participate in the Run for the Cure on September 30. Hell, I’m the captain of 5 other intrepid souls from our company, and have a movement afoot to do this nationally with our company next year.
I didn’t ask much of the boys. I didn’t try and tax them too hard. I pointed out that if they are walking, running or volunteering, great! I thanked them. If they donated to someone who is also running for the boobs, especially someone who has boobs of their own, or is just plain closer to them, perfect! You’re helping someone reach their goal. But I *did* point out that if they haven’t been asked yet, and want to do something to save the boobs (and really, they should want to save the boobs, or face certain derision amongst their peers and possible removal of all boob-viewing privileges), then they should donate to my run. You will have the admiration of millions of men around the world for doing something pro-active to save the boobs. And lord knows, I’m going to run anyway, and all 500+ friends will see it, and 100+ friends will complain to me about seeing it, but this one time, this ONE TIME it will stand as proof that I’ve done SOMETHING.
And I know who I’m running for. It’s about 10 wonderful, amazing, great women who have all been hit with the disease. And I want the disease gone.
Ok, so you’ve read this far (thank you). What’s my point?
I know many of you are, in fact, married to some of those 250 male non-boob-supporting men. I know some of you are dating them. I know some of you know a man that I don’t know that still hasn’t done anything to support the Run-for-the-Cure. And I know you have access to their credit card. Go make a donation. Make it in their name. Tell them it is the price they have to pay for… ongoing access, shall we say. It’s like the cover charge to get into a club. And ladies, c’mon. Yours is a *really good* club, isn’t it? Well worth the admission fee?
$20 gets you a tax receipt. $40 gets you good karma. $50 or more might get you your mojo back. C’mon. I truly only have the breast of intentions.
But I have one more favour. If you are a woman, and have read this far, please like this post. Like it like you want to reach out and hug it. Click that little thumb. Then share it. Share it on your wall. Share it with friends, even if you only chortled once. What’s the harm? That will keep THIS POST pretty high up in most people’s feeds. That will let more people see it more often. That will raise more money for the cause. And that will help to save the boobs, which is the ultimate goal.
And to my male friends that have read this far? You can do it too – right after you make a donation. You’ve read this pretty sheepishly to here, admit it. You’re off the hook for $20. I won’t try and revoke your man-card or anything. Now get going.
Click below to save the boobs. They are truly worth saving.
I’m hoping the fear and shame of their women will make more men donate. I hope more women donate to someone as a result, and then force their men to. Either way, I want to reach and surpass my goal of $1,500. I still figure I’ve got 200 $5 donations out there somewhere. And if you are interested in donating, I’ve put the link in this post many times, but here it is in case you missed it:
Donate. Save the boobs!
And just for a little last-minute fun, a totally ridiculous ad that isn’t for the Run for the Cure, but has the spirit of saving the boobs: